Ask Amy: Long-ago Date Wants To Give Belated Feedback

Dear Amy: I dated “C” for only a month in 2020. It was obviously not long term. I was the one who broke it off. I have not contacted him since. Recently, I logged onto Facebook for the first time in a long time, and I noticed that he has been messaging me over the course of the last two years — and as recently as last week (which is odd since he has my phone number). It’s clear that he wants to get back together, but I have no interest in reconnecting with him. I’m now wondering if I should tell him the reasons I broke off the relationship. Telling him would be purely selfish and therapeutic (for me). I never told him all the things that bothered me, and if I did now, I’d finally be able to get it off my chest. Additionally, maybe he’ll be willing to take this feedback for what it is? I’m NOT claiming I can change him, but what if my feedback helps? It’s clear he’s not had much luck maintaining a committed relationship (based on all the messages I’ve received over the years), so maybe he’ll be willing to listen? However, I hesitate for a few reasons. The truth will sound harsh — because it is. Related Articles Ask Amy | Ask Amy: My husband wants to take another woman on a weekend camping trip Ask Amy | Ask Amy: My mother-in-law is causing a rift that’s hurting my husband Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Readers offer their stories and advice Ask Amy | Ask Amy: Sexual abuse survivor deserves validation Ask Amy | Ask Amy: My husband always answers “no” to anything I say At the top of the list is that he was immature, racist, and unscrupulous (i.e., stealing from his job), along with a long laundry list of other terrible behavior. I wonder if I’m even the right person to tell him these things. I only knew him for a month, so perhaps I’m being too judgmental? Should I just let him continue on his own journey? — Hesitant Dear Hesitant: Helpful feedback might be: “You’re late too often.