Jackie Chan Brings Two Stuffed Pandas As His Oscar Dates

Lara Trump, the daughter-in-law of Diminished Don, now co-heads the RNC. Ka-ching. This morning Lara gave a deranged rant against the justice system and the media to Donald Trump's Porn Star Hush Money trial, or should we say the election interference trial. Fox and Friends host Lawrence Jones interviewed Lara as a follow-up to his disgust with an MSNBC clip covering day one of the trial.

Were you better off four years ago? Four years ago today so-called President Donald Trump tried to do a conference call with Wall Street bigwigs. And here's how it went: [embed eid="60001" /] Donald Trump held a phone call with several Wall Street CEO's yesterday, and by more than one report, it was a shitshow.

During his rally in Schnecksville, PA Trump told his cult members he will cut all funds to schools which implement a vaccine and or mask mandate to protect students from other diseases. When will Diminished Don start selling MAGA crystal balls that can predict when a new epidemic might appear? "On day one, I will sign a new executive order to cut federal funding for any school pushing critical race theory, transgender insanity, or other inappropriate racial, sexual, or political content onto the lives of our children," Trump bellowed.

Steve Bannon was acting very hinky and scared after the first day of the Hush Money trial and it was only the jury selection. The seditious mouthpiece for Trump brought doom and gloom to his program. You know, I've talked to, I've had the opportunity to talk to a bunch of lawyers, very learned judges, lawyers, this afternoon in preparation for the afternoon. People are pretty stunned. And I mean, people that are not, you know, the War Room, Steve Bannon, hair on fire, Mike Lindell, yelling and screaming. I mean, people that are judges and lawyers. But just this first day, I mean, not going to let him go to his son's graduation. Not going to let him go down for this hearing in Washington, D.

#DonSnoreleone, #Nodfather, #SleepyDon, etc were all trending on Twitter yesterday. Source: Mediaite Former President Donald Trump fell asleep on the first day of his criminal trial in Manhattan on Monday, which naturally made great fodder for Jon Stewart hours later. “After years of anticipation, the first criminal trial of a former president has begun,” Stewart said on The Daily Show.

Patrick Mahomes has always had the heart of a champion. I remember Pat as a young kid, coming to practice with his dad to tee up baseballs for me and my teammates. I distinctly remember giving him the worst advice ever. “Don’t play football. The money’s in baseball.” I’m happy to be wrong and glad he didn’t listen!