Scientists have found that the gut of the common mealworm contains a bacteria that can convert non-biodegradable Styrofoam into organic waste, a potentially crucial breakthrough in combating growing landfills and pollution worldwide.
LOS ANGELES—Admitting that his iconic physical form had an influence far beyond the NBA, former Lakers guard Jerry West revealed to reporters Thursday that he is also the inspiration for the Major League Baseball logo.
Due to a combination of rising demand for the beverage among developed countries and the negative impact drought has had on growing coffee beans in Brazil, experts warn that a global coffee shortage is a distinct possibility heading into 2016.
WASHINGTON—Researchers at the Urban Institute published a study Friday confirming that a sharp increase in gun sales nationwide would be the most concrete result of the impassioned pro-gun-control speech that President Obama delivered following yesterday’s mass shooting in Oregon.
WASHINGTON—Saying their decision was made in the best interests of the American public, officials from the Department of Interior announced Friday that they have added 600,000 acres to the National Forbidden Zone.
NEW YORK—Saying that it is the perfect way to further increase the sport’s popularity, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced Monday that the league will soon begin holding a regular-season game deep within the Earth’s inner core.
ROSEBURG, OR—In the hours following a violent rampage in southwestern Oregon in which a lone attacker killed 13 individuals and seriously injured 20 others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Thursday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from taking place.
IRVINE, CA—Aiming to provide customers with an effective and easy way to consume their products free from judgment, Taco Bell officials announced Thursday that patrons at any of the fast food chain’s 5,600 locations will now be given the option to have their purchases appear inconspicuously on credit card and bank statements under the name “TBfoodsLLC.” “At Taco Bell, we understand that you might want to keep your meal purchases hidden from your spouse, friends, or anyone who might catch sight of your financial documen
Researchers analyzing data from 29 countries have found that in the age of large flat-screen TVs, more children are being injured by unstable television sets toppling onto them, with doctors recommending that flat-screens be securely mounted to the wall as a preventative measure.
SEDALIA, MO—Following yesterday’s speech by the president addressing the recent events in Roseburg, OR, local 42-year-old Tim Moss expressed his outrage to reporters that President Obama was attempting to capitalize off a tragedy to push his anti-tragedy agenda.
DES MOINES, IA—Heralding the discovery as the most complete specimen of its kind, a team of archaeologists from the University of Iowa announced Thursday that they had managed to reconstruct more than 75 percent of a Snyder’s of Hanover pretzel from fragments found at a Des Moines–area Stop ’N Go.
INDIANAPOLIS—Cowering in the dark at the top of the locker room steps, a tearful Andrew Luck reportedly hugged his knees to his chest Wednesday while listening to Colts head coach Chuck Pagano and general manager Ryan Grigson fighting downstairs.
TEMPE, AZ—Providing a definitive explanation as to how and why early humans evolved away from their closest primate relatives, researchers at the Arizona State University Institute of Human Origins presented findings Tuesday confirming that our species’ first ancestors began to climb down from trees to retrieve snacks they had dropped.
NOVOSINKOVO, RUSSIA—Staring directly into the drooping eyes of the woozy, flushed henchman sitting across from him in the back room of a dimly lit tavern, Secretary of State John Kerry reportedly downed another vodka shot Sunday night as the last of Russian president Vladimir Putin’s security detail passed out beside him.
MANSFIELD, OH—Frantically shifting his gaze between the field and play clock as the seconds wound down, local 34-year-old football fan Isaac Collins announced Sunday that the quarterback better hurry the hell up and snap the ball.
BALTIMORE—Warning that the storm could batter the East Coast with 80-mile-per-hour winds and heavy rain, Baltimore officials confirmed Friday that residents were preparing for Hurricane Joaquin by adding a second layer of plywood to the city’s shuttered small businesses.
SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning that Hurricane Joaquin was expected to produce powerful winds, violent swells, and dangerous rip currents, the National Weather Service strongly advised Americans today not to go surfing unless they could really shred that shit.
Though Hillary Clinton’s campaign has set fundraising records, new data shows that Bernie Sanders is narrowing the gap between them, with his $26 million in the third quarter nearly matching her $28 million, a success rate attributable in part to accelerated small donations from independent supporters.
A forthcoming app called Peeple will let users post public reviews of their friends, neighbors, coworkers, and romantic partners without the permission of the person being evaluated, though the app will hold reviewers accountable by requiring them to post under their real names.
DENVER—Noting that physical limitations were hindering the 39-year-old’s performance, league sources confirmed Thursday that Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning lacks the strength to complete longer commercial takes.
CEDAR FALLS, IA—Describing her shock and embarrassment upon learning that her personal struggles were shared with an entire campaign rally audience, 37-year-old Allison Kilpatrick, an unemployed single mother that Republican presidential hopeful Marco Rubio mentioned in a recent stump speech, informed reporters Thursday that she told the candidate about her problems in confidence.
In an effort to reduce overhead, respond to competition, and lower prices, Whole Foods has announced they will lay off 1,500 workers and find other ways to cut costs, such as transitioning to a more self-service model and launching a new economy chain of stores called 365.