Artsbeat: Biden Getting An Autobiography From The Onion (whether He Wants It Or Not)

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog hits the Trump trials in New York City and reports like only he can. He interviews many people from a crowd of true diversity, which is practically a rainbow of all the different mental illnesses. There are too many zingers to repeat them all here, but it is so funny that even Trump would fill his Depends five times over from laughing so hard. But seriously, who do you think will win, the bleach blonde with the big jugs or Stormy Daniels? Open thread below read more

“Israel, early Friday morning local time, launched missiles in a retaliatory strike against Iran,” ABC News reports. “The missile launches follow Iran’s attack last Saturday, where the country sent a volley of more than 300 uncrewed drones and missiles toward targets throughout the country, Israeli military officials previously said. All but a few were intercepted by Israel and its allies, including the United States.” CNN: “Iran’s air defense systems have been activated in several provinces of the country.” Bloomberg reports Israeli officials notified the U.

“In its first week, Donald Trump’s criminal trial is forcing the former president, a man who famously surrounds himself with sycophants, to sit quietly and listen to the unfiltered opinions of those typically kept at arm’s-length: People he might call his ‘haters,'” Politico reports. “During jury selection, Trump has heard himself described by those under consideration as racist and sexist and a narcissist.

Former Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura (I) said he could beat both President Biden and former President Trump in a hypothetical match-up Thursday, The Hill reports. Said Ventura: “If I had ballot access in all 50 states and I were allowed to debate, I could beat these two major party candidates.”

Colorado will distribute $24 million in one-time funding to public school districts and charter schools impacted by the unprecedented influx of immigrant students who arrived after the annual October headcount that determines districts’ state funding. Gov. Jared Polis on Thursday signed the bipartisan bill, HB24-1389, authorizing that money to be distributed this fiscal year from the State Education Fund. The Colorado Department of Education now will determine how much school districts receive using a multi-tiered funding model that’s based on how many new-to-the-country students they enrolled following the count. “What is going on now really has been quite substantial and unusual in terms of scope, and these thousands of new students coming require services,” said Rep.