Despite his blistering anti-Ivy rhetoric, Mitt Romney is in the hand-tailored, cashmere-wool-blend pocket of Big Harvard. Because Texas government officials couldn't find a way to grind puppies into school lunch meat, they instead decided to siphon education funds off to the oil industry. And somewhere deep in the recesses of Northern Virginia, Jim VandeHei is demanding a cub reporter cold call every single dietitian in New Jersey to find out if Chris Christie is running for president.