That's Not A Shark—this Is A Shark

Guys - we are almost at the end!! The defense rested today after 2 witnesses testified on behalf of Donald Trump - and neither of them were named Donald Trump. I know, we are all completely and utterly shocked that the most honest man in the world, Donald Trump, who said for weeks on end that he was GAGGED and would absolutely, totally, 100% testifywussed out at the last minute, like the utterly shameless coward that he is. Ok, so today started with Trump whining about the temperature Trump: I’m fighting for 300 million people.

[Above: James Austin Johnson plays Trump in the latest SNL cold open. "Unfortunately, at the end of this trial, it looks like I'm getting a very harsh sentence and being sent to a horrible place I do not want to go to, The White House. I do not want to go back to the White House but it appears people want to send me there.

Donald Trump likes to act like President Biden can't get many supporters to attend his events. This is pretty embarrassing since Eric Trump posted a video clip of supporters greeting Biden when he went to New York City last month for an interview with Howard Stern—but Eric (I know this will shock you) is flat-out lying, claiming that they are Trump supporters.

Donald Trump Junior whined on his podcast, like the silver spooned entitled miscreant that he is, about his daddy stuck in an uncomfortable trial. "They want to tie him up in a courtroom, miserable, bored, and unable to talk to the millions of Americans who are suffering under Joe Biden and the Democrat Party rule," Junior bellyached. Diminished Donald never stops talking and never shuts up but because he's facing an indictment he can't do it he wants.

Truth Social, the Trump Media and Technology slush fund Group lost almost $330 million the first quarter of 2024, in their latest earnings report. The Trump media company collected $770,500 revenue during that period of time which is terrible. ABC News reports: For the three-month period that ended March 31, the company posted a loss of $327.6 million, which it said included $311 million in non-cash expenses related to its merger with a company called Digital World Acquisition Corp., which was essentially a pile of cash looking for a target to merge with.

Fitness company Peloton has paused music and entertainment programs featuring rapper and record executive Sean “Diddy” Combs after disturbing footage surfaced of the star being physically violent. The decision comes following the release of camera footage from a Los Angeles hotel of Combs physically assaulting and kicking his then-girlfriend Cassie, whose real name is Casandra Ventura, as she was approaching the elevator.