Spurious Correlations

Rep. Rich McCormick (R-GA) and Rep. Beth Van Duyne (R-TX) were named in McCormick's divorce papers after alleged hanky panky. Yet another scandal involving Republicans and sex. At least this time it didn't involve a ménage à trois and all the tittering that inspired. Source: Daily Mail After 12 years of marriage and less than two years into his congressional career, Georgia Republican Rep.

It's now on record that controversial Colorado GOP Rep. Lauren Boebert doesn't think Von Snoozleshitpants has been sleeping in court (he's fallen asleep daily in front of the jurors and Judge Juan Merchan) because, in actuality, the pussy grabber was "praying." But if he wasn't praying, that's OK because he looks "pretty while he sleeps." Welp, does Donald Farticus smell pretty, too, Rep.

The shit hit the fan when Chaos Crew member Marjorie Taylor Greene insulted Texas Democrat Jasmine Crockett for wearing "false eyelashes," as if the Georgia Sasquatch has room to talk about anyone's appearance. Insults were lobbed back and forth, and Ocasio-Cortez demanded an apology from Klan Mom Marge. That wasn't going to happen (narcissists never apologize unless they're desperate and it's rehearsed), but MTG did agree to have her words stricken from the record. "Oh, girl," AOC said.

Rep. Beth Van Duyne (R-TX) broke her silence on love affair with married Rep. Rich McCormick (R-GA), confirming that they are “happily engaged in a relationship,” the Daily Mail reports.

“Donald Trump has fixated on the idea he can expand the map in a general election that’s likely to be decided in six swing states. He has touted his rally attendance in New Jersey as evidence that he could flip the deep-blue stronghold. And he has mused about winning Virginia,” Politico reports. “But it’s Minnesota, of all places, where Trump has been obsessed for years with leveling the Democratic Blue Wall, and where Trump has zeroed in on flipping the Upper Midwestern state.

On Thursday, purportedly on the advice of the Texas Board of Pardons and Paroles, Texas Republican Gov. Greg Abbott formally pardoned Daniel Perry for his 2020 murder of Garrett Foster at a Black Lives Matter protest in Austin. I say “purportedly” because Abbott never waited for the board before passing judgment in the case; he announced a little over a year ago that he was “working as swiftly as the law allows” to get Perry out of prison. “Texas has one of the strongest ‘Stand Your Ground’ laws of self-defense that cannot be nullified by a jury or a progressive District Attorney,” Abbott explained on X at the time.